There's no longer any way to finesse this, so let's just put itright out there: As sports towns go, Washington has becomeLoserville, U.S.A.
Fans in New York have playoff-contending teams to cheer,championships to relish. So do people in Boston and Los Angeles.Even in Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Detroit -- Detroit! -- they have winners to get behind.
Not us.
None of Washington's franchises in the three most popular teamsports -- football, baseball and basketball -- leads in anythingexcept futility. These days, we have no hope of becoming Title Town;the mere absence of humiliation will suffice. Among the 15 Americancities that field teams in all three sports, Washington'sfranchises had the worst combined record, based on the most recentlycompleted seasons.
Updated slogan: Washington -- first in war, first in peace, andlast in all of the American leagues.
The Redskins -- pride of ol' D.C., winners of three Super Bowls-- can't beat the most loser-ific teams in the NFL. On Mondaynight, they lost again, this time to a division rival, Philadelphia.Bad enough. But this time they lost at home, in prime time, onnational TV. Which means the entire sports world bore witness to ourshame and pain.
This past season, the Washington Nationals achieved near-recordhopelessness. They lost 103 games, the most in the major leagues. Asthe old 'Saturday Night Live' character and Bad Theater criticLeonard Pinth-Garnell might have said, 'There. That wasn't so good,now was it?'
The Wizards? True, they do seem improved (or did until starforward Antawn Jamison went out with a shoulder injury). But howcould they not be improved, when they lost 63 of 82 games lastseason?
Yes, there's hockey, and the Capitals are a promising bunch, ledby an exciting young superstar. But the Capitals only prove thegeneral trend. The team hasn't advanced beyond the conferencesemifinals in its two playoff runs. The last time they contended forthe Stanley Cup was a decade ago; the last time they won the StanleyCup was . . . never.
That's Washington sports in a nutshell. No trophies, no rings, nobragging rights -- for years and years. The last championship wonby one of our marquee teams was 1992 (the Redskins), which meansthat an entire generation of children in the Washington area hasgrown up cruelly denied the opportunity to wave around a big We'reNumber One foam finger.
It's only a matter of time, says radio host Eric Bickel, of WJFK-FM's 'Sports Junkies' program, before late-night TV comedians 'startconnecting the dots' and use 'Washington' as a punch line for sportsfutility. 'We're making it easy for them to goof on us,' he says.
There's not much else around to cheer, either. The D.C. Unitedsoccer team was barely over .500 this season and missed theplayoffs. The Maryland Terps football team is 2-6. The sort-of localVirginia Cavaliers are 3-4. The football teams at Howard andGeorgetown have losing records, too. At least there's Navy, which iscurrently 6-2. But we're reaching, aren't we?
The list goes on: The WNBA Washington Mystics finished 16-18 thispast season. The Washington Bayhawks, a professional lacrosse team,were 5-7. Something called the Washington Kastles, apparently a protennis team, went 7-7. Unless you're rooting for Maryland's fieldhockey team or DeMatha High, 'dominant' is not a word in yourvocabulary.
Veteran broadcast executive Andy Ockershausen, whose career spansalmost 60 years in Washington, says he's seen it this bad herebefore -- during the 1960s. Back then, he says, the Redskins wereregularly dreadful, as were the Senators (who had the decency tomove out of town -- twice).
What makes it feel worse now, says George Michael, WRC-TV'sformer sports anchor, is how woeful the Redskins are. 'We couldtolerate the Wizards being bad or the Nationals or the Caps orwhoever you want to name,' he says. 'But if the Redskins are doingwell, everything's okay. It just seems bad now because the Redskinsare in terrible shape.'
Nevertheless, it's worth asking: Why the general stinkiness? Arethere secret loser rays emanating from that blinking red light atopthe Washington Monument?
Bickel says it begins and ends with who owns the teams, asentiment that disgruntled Redskins fans can certainly relate to.'When the owner's No. 1 goal is to turn a profit more than anythingelse, when it's a business and not a passion, your product willsuffer,' he says, speaking specifically about Redskins owner DanSnyder and sports owners generally. 'Sports isn't a business. Youhave to be willing to lose money to build and rebuild. You'll makemoney if you win, but first you have to be willing to lose it.'
Ockershausen advises patience. 'There are cycles in sports asthere are in life,' he says. 'We've been down before. We'll beback.'
In other words, there's no joy in Loserville now. But no onelives there forever.
farhip@washpost.com
